If you're male, you can't have failed to spot a certain literary phenomenon recently. Grandmas, mums, aunties and sisters all seem to be reading a book called 50 Shades of Grey.

Well, we've Googled 50 Shades of Grey and it's apparently about this thing called BDSM. We're assuming it's another one of Porsche's new, very important acronyms to help us drive more quickly. It's good that more people are finally taking an interest in such things.

Still, we've had lots of people email editor@topgear.com saying they want to read the book, but can't because everyone who owns a copy is locked away in their room reading it.

With this in mind, we decided to write our own version of 50 Shades of Grey. It's a deeply exciting mystery tour into the great depths of seduction and monochrome paint tones.

We hope you enjoy it.

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