Has anyone applied for a position at a company they already work for and changed there mind and unapplied right before interviews start?
Recently one of our Technician Lead Supervisors unexpectedly lost his job, and now they have opened the position. I applied but have regretted it from the moment I hit the send button. I have work with these people for the past 8 years. I have received zero training on anything that matters from the company and the hours have killed any college or personal courses. I am constantly denied access to documentation that I could use to train myself or become better at what I do. I keep trying to improve product, process and procedure with no success. So it will be a rough steep learning curve if I take the job (at 8% raise). The worse part is I will be 1 of 3 leads and from the boss point of view will have equal footing and equally responsible, However I know that in reality I will be subordinate to the other 2 leads. Forced to do things there way, there rules, my suggestions will never be agreed upon and all assistance and needed info to support my supervisors request will have to come from or though them.
If I cant do the job as I see fit why do it? Problem is how do I un-apply? How do I tell my supervisor that appears to want to hand me the job, I don't want it because of my negative view of the other leads or that my own mental hang ups that are preventing me from being able say yes to a job in a different circumstance I would thrive in, with out committing career suicide over a career I have already fucked up?
I cant quit without taking a pay cut so big i will have to find a job out of state. I can't advance I can't improve, I am stuck on nights because I wont go to work at 5am for the same group I work for because they suck at what they do! I cant switch to the engineering group I have the most experience at because the boss is an ass that thinks tech are a waist of money, only people with degrees are valuable. I feel stuck, I feel like i have ruin my career, I have failed to get a degree, failed to buy a house, failed to get married, failed to have kids, failed to have a job I like, failed..... An now I am worried that I will succeed and get a really great opportunity and HATE EVERY FUCKING MINUTE OF IT.
Now that I have gotten the negativity out of my head, maybe I can sleep.