My first memories are with him. I was only 18 months old, he was about 5-y-o. We were in the old flat, I was sitting on the carpet, and he tried to draw my attention by putting one of those long balloons on his back and some cup over his face. Then he got on his stomach and pretended to be a diver. Dad took a snap-shot and that’s the first thing I remember.
And all through his life he was like that – someone who tries to be nice to people, to help them, to make them feel fine. And he was very good at that.
This year, on the 24h May he had his MSc done. I was so proud of him.
He complained a bit that his back hurt, and three days later he went to see the doctor. One month later he was diagnosed with lung cancer, with metastases on lungs, liver and bones. He never smoked, he drank very little, he had a neat lifestyle.
We’ve tried everything.
He even rarely complained, trying to protect us. Mother and father were constantly beside him, I was in the civil service, so I couldn’t be with him always. I prayed constantly. I know my torments, and I’ve seen just the glipmse of the hell he’s been through. The fevers, the pain, the nausea, the exhaustion, the sleepless nights, the unability to find a position to sleep… So many things…
All those things and his sufferings hurt me so much, but the real pain I felt when he used to talk how much he loved us all. When he wanted to enjoy the simplest things – to hold my hand, to share a gentle word… that was a true heartbraker. It helped me to see that piece of divine in all the people, but it hurt so much. I can’t help myself crying when I think of that. When I think of all the times and talks we’ve had. And the ones we’ll never have.
He fought like the lion.
But we lost that fight.
He passed away on Monday, November 27th, exactly six months after his first visit to the doctor. He was only 30 years old.
He introduced me to so many things. Music, way of thinking, our mutual friends, even TEOTI. His username was euro, and he was pretty acknowledged back on T4. By the time T5 was established he was too busy with his MSc, and just didn’t have the time to post cool stuff – music, software, p0rn, films… He never even signed for T6…
I guess like all the brothers in this world, we’ve had our fights and bad days, but I not only forgave him for all that, I also forgot all of them.
I know he is forever gone, but I’m still not used to the idea. And I just can’t help but hope that he’ll be home for the holidays. I miss his smile, like so many people do.
He was too good for this world, and I hope he is in a better one.
25.09.1976. – 27.11.2006.