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Loneliness

0 comments, 4035 views, posted 9:09 pm 13/10/2007 in Personal Threads by z0phi3l
z0phi3l has 10137 posts, 259 threads, 0 points, location: Waterbury CT
God

   

   

As a guy you always hear of this "Me Time" concept, well guys if you are married and/or have kids, trust me "Me Time" is overrated, spend time with your kids or wife, one day you could find yourself in my situation and realize that being alone just plain sucks.

Yep nothing more thrilling than coming home to an empty apartment, no "Hi babe, how was your day?", no "DADDY!!!!" nope, nothing but the hum of the fridge, or the sound of your PC's power supply. You have all the "Me Time" you want and guess what? You stand in your living room and all you want to do is SCREAM! just to kill the silence.

It's gotten so bad I now talk to myself just to hear another voice, the TV in the background doesn't help anymore.

Then there's bed time, no more warm sexy body there for you to snuggle with, nothing to hold on to for comfort, nothing. You lay in a cold empty bed and hope you can pass out of tiredness before your mind starts missing her or anyone for that matter, sometimes drinking can help, especially on weekends when you had more time to dedicate to her and maybe just lay in bed chit chatting away till you either got some or you both fell asleep.

Nothing more fun than waking up in the middle of the night freaking out because in your dreams she's right there and then you come to the maddening realization, she really isn't there anymore. You lay back down and hope you can fall asleep before the tears come, yes grown men will cry out of frustration and loneliness. Just remembering that even at it's worse, even after that huge argument you had with her, that if you were smart you would both make up and there she was sound asleep and all you do out of relief is hold onto her till morning.

Now some might say, "Z why don't you go out and start dating?" well when you're 35 and just came out of a 13 year relationship there are many things that have changed in the "Dating Scene". I've gone to the bar/club a few times, not my style, I'm just lost in this world. Some like my ex will say, "You will meet someone at work/school" well bullshit between work and school I know ~20 Women, a good 15 are either married or in a serious relationship, plus there's the whole thing about dating co workers, what if the relationship fails, then what? In my field there are few Women, and the few you work with, you have to sometimes work with in a close environment, don't know about you but if you had to work with the chick you just got dumped by or you dumped will make for some long and uncomfortable days at work. Dating site? LOL please, a waste of time at best.

So what do I do, risk it with the cute Divorced chick at work and hope for the best? Nah I will stay a close friend to her and only wonder what could have been, maybe even hope for that next job to hurry up and pop up so that maybe then you will work up the guts to ask her out, all the time hoping she hasn't found someone else before you work up the guts to ask her out.

And like all things you are back to square one and your empty apartment.

Someone pass me a beer, there are too many hours left till bed time.

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